Beans

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
Apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from
work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him
that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by
a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand.
With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by
the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it,
I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
arrival,
my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling
I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I
took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
telephone
rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned
and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still
affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my
husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my
weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled
like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood
mill.

I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was
Worse than oked=20cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom,
I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on
my
Lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased
with
myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
returned, apologizing for taking so long.

He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I
Had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner
guests
seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I nearly died